Asking for Forgiveness

I don't beg.
We need to get this straight.
Imma chooser not a beggar.

I think it's because I know my limits.
I know what is allowed and what is far-fetched.
Or, at least I used to....

It needs to go on record that Chuck and I have been married for 2.5 months and I love him more and more each day.
(I hope you got all that.)

We have a lovely life....a new home, a place for his son to live, a farm for them to visit...it's wonderful!

We also have dreams.
Lots of dreams.

We want to have a child together, Chuck wants to eventually get a dog-he is crazy good at training-and I look forward to one day being able to park my truck under something.
A three-car garage...the American dream.

All of that being said, I thought a 6 ounce addition to our lifestyle wouldn't really make much of a difference.
Right?!

I mean something as small as my hand, that's afraid of Chucks shoes can't really cause that much trouble...right?!

Good.
I'm glad you agree.

Now, if you will excuse me I shall commence asking forgiveness for this vagabond who lives in the master bathroom now.

Prayforme.
Love,
Well-MeaningCowLady

Things I Will Never Understand

There is a short, but very astute, list of things I ponder from time to time.
Occasionally on my way home from work...sometimes when I'm at work even.
Do you do the same?  Pleasesayyes.....

1.  Why are needy animals attracted to me?
Exhibit A.

Found Sunday morning, before I church, beside my truck meowing like there was no tomorrow.
SOLD!

2.  Why do I sneeze every day between 3:30 and 4 pm?

3.  Why do I insist on touching things like ringworm and poison ivy...then touching my face right after?

4. 

OK, you know what?  This isn't at all what I want to say.
I'm trying...really trying, but I don't wanna bring you down!
You might not come back!

But I guess I'm not really sure anyone is out there in the first place, so what am I losing?
My mind.  Evidently.

What's going on in my noggin'?
Lots of things.

$15/hundred weight milk is right at the top.

That's what we are getting paid.
$15 per hundred.

Why so low?
Oh, lots of reasons....exports are down, school is out....you name it.

This is nothing new though...4 years ago when I was getting into the biz it was $14.
Yeowza.

So here we go.
I sold 16 cows, dried 14 off.
I have more to go.

I have to get the costs down so that I can do this more efficiently.

Wanna hear something totally honest?
I wanted to throw up when I got paid for the first load of cows.

Maybe I don't have what it takes anymore...I don't know.

Maybe I'm too soft.

We're not selling out though!
No worries as far as that goes.
I'm just kind of in a funk.

It will be OK though.
I hate to bring you down:(.
Please forgive me?!

I have a lot on my mind, and there are so many things I want to share with you.
A teeny tiny one of them I mentioned before....
My little peach fuzz.
Maybe he was dropped off here for a reason..could be the orange lining I need.

Don't give up on me just yet...I just need to get a glimpse of what I am reaching for then I will keep my blinders on and push through this.

Thanks for listening.
Love,
CowLady

Unexpected Hope

I cannot take enough pictures of this barley...it's so lovely!

OK, maybe I can.

Sorry.
This time next week it will be in the grain bin, ready to be ground and fed!

We (being the mouse in my pocket and I) are estimating 6,000 bushels...which should last (at a feed rate of 20%) 452 days.
That's just a rough estimate...
Nothing set in stone...

As we kick off the start of the new week, I have decided to take off early today and spend time with my honey.
This past week has been loooong and physically as well as emotionally draining for me.
Such is life, right?


Things I have learned this week;
- It's much easier to put 70 lbs of air into a truck tire than it is to remove it....
-You're only supposed to put 35 lbs of air in a Tacoma tire.
-People run...in the dark...in my subdivision.
-Cats will hide for 3 days (going on 4..) in  my parent's basement, after getting caught-by the dog-eating the dogs' food.
-Gus has taken to being the guardian of the baby calves.
-The raccoon population has moved half a mile down the road...you'rewelcome.

The biggest thing I have learned is that, there's this small percentage of people who won't let you down.
That group of people is comprised of the unexpected..not just family.
They listen, most of the time saying nothing, but when they choose to speak it's worth remembering.
That's where hope lives.

Amen.


Love,
CowLady

What do YOU Want to do?

Question of the week.

I have been asked that question several times a day for the past couple of days.

In the grand scheme of things, I want to be happy, healthy and have a family.
That's what I want.

I want to continue to love Chuck, and receive his love in return.
I want to help raise Caden.
I want to bring God into our lives each day, with open arms.
I want to accept His love and ask nothing from Him.

That's my big picture.

Today?
What do I want today, tomorrow, next week?

I want to do what I am doing now.
I want to farm.

It's like breathing.
Farming is as natural to me as waking up in the morning.
It is me.

I feel like if I tried to be something else, it would be false.
Like living a lie.

To be honest?
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, to be able to know exactly what I want.
Unfortunately what I want is about as lucrative as it is popular.

But I'm a smart girl, and my hand is in God's hand.
Together we will figure this out.

Surely something so honest and good is meant to be.

Love,
CowLady

4 Years

I wrote a post that I was going to put up today in honor of my 4th year running the dairy, as well as my first year blogging.
I still have it saved in the draft form.
It's cute, it talks about things I have learned and sights I have seen.
You were there through them all and I thank you.

Four years ago yesterday I turned onto the road less taken, and it has made all of the difference.
I can honestly say that these cows, this place, saved me.
I was as low as I could get and didn't feel like I had a reason to get up in the morning.

I was told I would be taking over the dairy while Tim was on vacation, for three months, then he would resume his position when he returned.
Tim returned, but his position had been filled...permanently.

I found my reason to wake up.
I found the place my heart belonged.

Every single day for the last 4 years, I have worked for these cows.
I have been determined to do right by them, because I owe them.

Keeping this mindset has allowed me to shape my herd of cattle into a healthy, sound group.
A group that I am proud of.

I suppose I need to mention that at the time I was breaking into the business, most farmers were getting out.
The bottom literally fell out of the milk market and farmers couldn't afford to do it anymore.
Some were just too tired to try.
I don't blame them.

We didn't find it any easier than anyone else, we just had a few more things going for us.

Currently, the milk futures aren't looking good.
We have a projected milk price that is frightening, you won't see it in the store...trust me.

Couple what we are expected to be paid, with a couple of years of bad crops and you have a recipe for trouble.
Feed prices are astronomical which is bad news when you have a crop situation like we have had.

Money is always the bottom line.

Four years ago yesterday my life changed for the better.
Yesterday decisions were made that will change my life.

BossMan has a plan and I believe God is in my corner so, with the request of your support, I am moving forward.

I know this is what I am meant to do forever, I just pray I can and that I will have what it takes.

Love,
me

A Family Tradition

Yesterday was Cadens 11th birthday...wooohooo!
We had Chucks family over, Cadens mom, sister and grandmother as well as my brother and sisters.  It was a full house for sure!
But it was awesome.

Cadens whole family there celebrating his birthday and Mothers day together was a dream.
I couldn't have asked for a better time.

The weeks leading up to his birthday, Chuck and I were thinking about what to get Caden and trying our best to pull some ideas out of him!
He's a fortress.
He's lucky he didn't get socks and underwear.

Now that we have a house, a place big enough for family to come over, I suggested we cook out and have a family party.
I don't know what your traditions were growing up, but we always (to this day even) had an at-home birthday party as well as one with friends.
It was our tradition.

The Heat would ask us what we wanted for supper and what kind of cake we would like for her to bake.
It was special, it was our day.

Later in the evening, when dad got home, we would put on our birthday hats and sing, blow out candles and open gifts.
No matter how old we get, we still have birthday supper at home.
The Heat still cooks, and BossMan still comes home early.
It's us.
It's tradition.

Now that Chuck and I are making a life of our own, that tradition is something I know I want to continue.
I am so lucky to have a stepson and am able to continue it right off the bat!

Yesterday was our first ever at-home birthday party and it was a success!
We grilled out and I made a key lime cheesecake for the birthday boy!

I tried not to think about it, because I would have cried, but this morning I did.
I kept thinking, Man!  This is what it's all about!  This is it!


It hit me like a ton of bricks.
This life with these two guys, is what I never knew I wanted.
This is home.

I can't even dream of making it any better than it already is.

Some things seem to take forever to happen, and you begin to second guess yourself and Gods plan, but stick to your guns and stay close to Him, because the rewards are unbelievable.

Love,
StepmomCowLady

The Mommas

To all of the mothers, stepmothers, Godmothers, grandmothers, expectant mothers, this is your day.
One day does not even begin to give you the recognition you deserve.
We owe it all to you.

You're the fish flushers, keeper of Kleenex, dishwasher damsels and the only ones who know how to fill up an empty ice tray.
Where would we be without you?
It would be a world of wiping noses on sleeves, eating off of paper plates, drinking tepid water and don't get me started on the pet cemetery our backyards would be!
Chaos.  Complete chaos.
We need you.

Obviously we wouldn't even be here without you, but no one said you have to be as amazing as you are.
I mean really, every year I have to one-up the card from the year before.  How many ways can I say you are the best mom ever?!  Monetary gifts are probably the answer.  Ben Franklin gets the point across pretty well...or in my case George Warshington.
I should probably stick to baked goods.

Everyone says they have the "best mom eva!", and I believe you! 
Not to rain on your parade, but I think my mom is the cat's meow.

The Heat is my center.  If I can find her, I can find myself.
She keeps me true and on track.
She has this relationship with God that is impenetrable.  It takes years of love and prayer to achieve something like that, and I only hope I will get there one day.

My mom has raised 5 children and still thinks she has more to give...but not in the form of a child.
She is really looking forward to me having a kid so she can take care of him/her during the day!  Wait...what?
OK, maybe she didn't actually say that but I know she thinks it allll the time.

My mother taught me how to bake, but more importantly she taught me that I can do anything if I try.
I owe my persistence to her...as well as my defensive driving skills.

She has been there at the very worst, head held high, and she has been there at the greatest moments.
I only hope I can be half the woman she is, when it's all said and done.

Here's to the mommas!
The ones who know what it's like to carry groceries and babies, the towel-folding fairies, the grill masters of the grilled cheese, and the original prayer warriors.

 

May you find calm in the storm today.

Love,
CowLady